i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize