one might say we're banned from that church
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
