He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
