I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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