If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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