her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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