my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
