My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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