Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
