I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
