Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
