i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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