in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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