Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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