i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
