His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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