My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
