Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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