you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
