I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish my penis had a tongue
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
