her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
