so that wasnt chicken after all
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
