it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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