Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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