just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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