omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
