I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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