I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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