I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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