I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
