So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
