haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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