He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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