So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
