come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
