i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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