i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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