those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
