I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have post one night stand depression
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