what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
