You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Randomize
