It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
