paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
