First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
