haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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