Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
