lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
