Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
