he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
