either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
