so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
