i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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