Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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