apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
