Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
