He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You dont lie about slip and slides
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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