I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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