Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
