I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
