my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
