he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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