Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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