I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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