I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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