You're my little dorito
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
