Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
