I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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